


18 of April, The day he comes home

by Manyllines



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Cap is the best emotional support, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Lots of Crying, M/M, Nines thinks gavin is dead, This one broke me while writting it, emotional breakdown, pain but also comfort but also pain, thank u leo for the tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26818516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manyllines/pseuds/Manyllines
Summary: "All I want is nothing moreTo hear you knocking at my door'Cause if I could see your face once moreI could die a happy man I'm sure"Just one last goodbye, that's all he was asking for.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 13
Kudos: 48





	18 of April, The day he comes home

**Author's Note:**

> Fic heavly inspired by "All i want" by Kodaline
> 
> I would like to personally thank my friend Leo for 'listnening' to me ramble about this fic and for also helping me when i needed. You are a true angel.
> 
> Buckle up my peps, this one is so sad i was crowned 'Lord of angst'  
> Also a round of aplauses cus this is the biggest fic i have written until now oh ho!

He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. Taking in his exhausted face, the dark purple circles become more permanent as the days go on. Tho, some things don’t change. His stumble was still kept nonexistent and his eyes. His eyes were still the same cold shade of grey blue.

Still hard and hollow.

Who would’ve thought that 6 months was all it was needed for the life that he once had in them to just seep out.

The expression that looked back at him was his usual one, lacking the usual light he had.

Today was one of those days where sadness turned into anger. Confusion and bitter sweetness.

Where the feeling of being alone was too much for him to handle.

It consumed his entire being.

Suffocating him until he didn’t know anything no more.

He missed him so much.

So much it hurts.

Worse than any stab wounds, any bullet holes, any cut, any punch, any scream they had said to each other. Any discussion, any hurtful words.

This hurt so, but so much more. More than anything he has ever felt.

He wanted him back.

Anything to just have him back.

Just thinking about it made his eyes water and his throat close up. He tried controlling his breathing taking deep even breaths to abate the tears but he just couldn’t.

He choked on one of those breaths and from there everything came crashing down.

Big heavy tears ran down his face like a torrent, that now open could not be closed. He tries getting rid of them as they come down, but the more he swipes with his hand the harder they fall, the more his breath hitches, the harder he sobs.

It’s- he despises this.

Breaking down in front of his bathroom, great way to start his Monday.

He brings his hands to tug his hair but stops midway, remembering all the times he was softly chastised for harming himself like that, the memories of two calloused hands gently and ever so slowly prying his hands away, just to kiss each wrist after.

Just that, just that single memory makes everything melt, all the anger that he felt with himself melts and leaves only what was hidden underneath.

The sadness that had laid hidden by his anger, all because he didn’t deem himself worthy of feeling sad.

He stops and stands still staring through what’s in front of him and letting the tears fall freely. Letting himself cry relieves all that tension that has built up.

These last two days have been extremely rough.

It had made exactly 6 months since Gavin had been... gone.

His last mission in the military. This last mission and this excruciating long suffering would be over.

No more uncertain goodbyes.

No more ‘empty’ promises, made to reassure each other.

It was far from Nines’ first time dealing with one of Gavin’s long term deployments. Over their relationship Gavin has been away countless times.

But this one was different, too last minute, too little warning. Not enough time to say to process.

The memories of him standing at the train station staring in the eyes of his love were still fresh in his mind. The sadness mirrored between them too raw to be covered by whatever cheesy ‘see you later’ lines Gavin tended to pick up.

The memory of seeing the train depart, leaving him hopelessly lost behind, was still vivid in his everyday life. As so was the memory of him curled up around Gavin’s jacket, yearning for the one that owns it to come back.

He doesn’t remember what he did in half of those 6 months, creating a routine of going to work and home, work and home.

But the feeling of emptiness did not disappear.

It only intensified.

Who would have known that smell could dissipate out of clothes so quickly. Even as he continued washing them with the same detergent, it still lacked the slight smell of dust. The familiar smell of cigarettes’ and coffee, gone. It was all gone, the comfort it brought faded along with it. Nines had been content just spraying Gavin's clothing with his cologne but wearing them? Wearing them only increased the aching emptiness in his chest. The only article that still had all those smells, where the scent was still powerful was the leather jacket. The one that Gavin cherished so dearly. But even as he tried to keep the house the same, the warmth that once resided there seeped slowly as the days, weeks, months passed by. Leaving him in an empty cold house. Leaving him somewhere unknown to him. Somewhere that no longer felt like home. He felt… Lost. This House that was cold, turned into a freezer when he received the news.

Two...Two weeks ago. Gavin...he

‘Missed in action’, they had told him over the phone.

He has been MOA for two weeks but they only decided to tell him two day ago, to ‘make sure’ the voice had said. He had just numbly turned off the phone, while he stared straight ahead, right into their wardrobe, blind to the world around him.

And now he stands in his bathroom staring at a broken corner of the tile they have in the wall, having the breakdown he did not allow himself to have.

Each sob rugs him dry of whatever he has left. Every choked breath suffocates him more and more. The world around him feels blurry and, as he grabs the sink to lower himself so he can rest on the floor, disoriented.

He should call Connor to-to talk, to have someone to listen to him, but the thought of having to put all.... this into words, makes him not want to move at all.

Nines looks at his left palm, staring at it like he had stared so much for so long. Where once was written “16 of April of 2042” in bold black letters, now is just his clean palm.

He had rubbed it clean, until it turned red and hurt, after receiving the news.

More tears slip down his face falling onto his palm.

He always wrote the departure day as a reminder, so he could count the days until Gavin would eventually arrive.

Whenever it started to fade nines would write over it once more.

But now…

Now he might have to re-write the date “16 of April of 2042” and leave it there forever.

Because Gavin wasn’t coming back.

He hiccups in another wet sob, curling around the hand that rests around his chest, he holds it like the dearest thing he has.

God please he just wants him back.

He would do anything to have him once more, to be able to apologize for all the wrong he said and did, to kiss him one more time, to just see his face once more, to memorize it and give him a proper goodbye.

A soft sound makes him raise his head.

Cap is standing in the bathroom doorway looking at him, tail swinging back and forth.

Nines looks at her, watching as she stares at him before coming closer.

She sniffs his socked feet and then with her little head bumps them.

The sight of her should be comforting.

It should and it is….

But the sight of her, it brings back all the memories, the silly moments Gavin spent with her. Memories of Gavin playfully batting at her paws, of him trying to get her out of the top of the fridge, of them laying together after a long day just napping. Of the moments where she was the only one able to comfort Gavin in one of the bad days.

So as she worms closer to rub herself against his chest, he can’t help himself but to cry harder.

Looking at her hurts, and hurts so, so much, but it is also the only comfort he has, she’s the one that has made him feel sane has made him feel loved, like he still has a purpose to stay and wait. Even if her sight makes his throat close up and his eyes water, he can’t live without her.

Because she’s all he has left.

All he has left to remember him, just an old leather jacket and a cat, just these two little things to remember the love of his life.

He hugs her closer to him and she lets him, she curls closer and makes little noises before starting to purr.

It just hurts so much.

They stay sitting in the bathroom until Nines can’t cry more tears and even when they dry and leave his eyes red and puffy, they don’t get up. Nines just sits and lets himself have….a moment.

A moment that is broken when he hears the jiggling of keys on the lock.

Did… did Connor have a key for the apartment.

Cappuccino ears perk up and she starts wiggling in his arms, shipping like she does when she’s excited. He looks at her with tired confusion but lets her go anyway. The moment she’s free she runs out of the room and starts screaming in the middle of the corridor.

Not Connor then, they despise each other… Tina maybe?

He tries listening to some type of voice, but hears nothing.

He sighs in irritation, the thought of having to get up to greet whoever it is in his apartment makes him feel like curling up in a tiny ball on the floor.

Staring at the ajar door for a couple more seconds he decides to just get up and get on with it, grabbing the sink for support he gets up on shaky legs, standing still for a beat he lets the world focus before getting out of the bathroom.

He leaves the room looking down, turning the corner to tell off whoever dared to bother him today.

He stops dead on his tracks and freezes.

He’s going to have a fucking panic attack.

Standing right in front of his apartment door stays, still dressed in uniform, the person he’s been missing all this time. His soulmate, the love of his life, his life essence, the one he thought he would never see ever again, the owner of the clothes he’s wearing, of the cologne, of the leather jacket, of the cat that swivels happily around he’s feet.

His love.

“Gavin” he wheezes.

Nines doesn’t even process what happens, one moment he’s standing at the bathroom door, the next he is kneeling on the floor, clutching Gavin against himself as close as he could, sobbing uncontrollably, tears that he didn’t have anymore, against his shoulder. Twisting the fabric of his clothes with his fists.

He can’t even think anymore.

He was so happy.

Gavin, he's here! Warm and strong and he smells just like the cigarettes and the coffee and the dust that he remembers.

He sobs harder when Gavin chokes up a watery, ‘Hey baby’, against his temple, Holding him as close as Nines was, both afraid that letting go meant the other would disappear, that all this was just a dream, an hallucination. Something that would seep through their hands like the warmth that seeped through this house.

They only disentangle themselves when nines sobbing get less heavy, but even then they don’t stop touching each other.

Gavin holds Nines’ face between his calloused hands, swiping his thumbs gently under his eyes, touching the dark circles under them and cleaning the tears that fall like rain under them. He looks at his eyes and his face looking, searching, taking all details like if it was the first time they ever saw each other, Gavin’s expression is raw with so much love and longing.

He pulls Nines face closer and kisses him in between his brows, letting his lips rest there.

“Hi, baby,” he chokes out, pressing their faces together, “I missed you so fucking much.”

Gavin moves so he can kiss nines forehead, then up to his hair, until he buries his nose against his locks and stays there.

Nines sighs shakily pressing closer, absorbing all the warmth emanating from Gavin, all the love he’s been yearning all this 6 months. Ever so slowly he brings his shaking hands up to blindly touch his boyfriend’s face, who moves in sync with them. He presses against his jaw, rubbing his thumbs over the stumble, up his tear stained cheeks, under those beautiful eyes. He almost starts crying again when while passing through his ever so crooked nose he can feel the scar that resides there. And then he reaches his lips and he rests his thumb against the bottom one, pressing gently against it before leaning in and pecking them with a soft kiss. One that Gavin leans greedily into.

They will eventually get up and move out of the floor, take a nap and a shower and not leave each other’s side, but right now Nines soaks the moment in.

He missed this.

The softness of his lips.

Of his presence.

He missed Gavin so much, he would never be able to explain it in words.

“I love you,” Nines whispers.

Gavin pulls him closer for another kiss.

“I love you too, so, so much.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank u so much for reading!
> 
> If i broke ur heart pls do come tell me in the comments cus i also broke my own :'D  
> i must've cried 3 times while writting  
> Also don't worry i have more angts AND fluff to come uwu
> 
> i listened to 5 hours of all i want just for the creativity to keep flowing....
> 
> Also pls accept this bonus for this fic  
> Bonus ending cus uwu:  
> They stay there, living in each other's bubble, Nines against Gavin’s shoulder while the latter hugs him closer and pets his hair.  
> “I’m tired,” nines mutters.  
> Gavin looks down at him.  
> “Let’s take a nap then.”  
> And so they go and they take a nap.  
> One nap of many.
> 
> Also 18 April isn't there for nothing :D it has meaning!


End file.
